Lesson 1.2: Your Shame Story

IN THIS LESSON

Where does your shame show up?

By now, you’ve learned that shame is not something you were born with. It was placed on you — through systems, expectations, and silences.

Knowing that is a good place to start. Now it’s time to look at where shame shows up for you.

Can you relate to any of these everyday habits?

  • Apologizing for your needs.

  • Avoiding mirrors or photos.

  • Changing your voice to sound smaller.

  • Staying silent when something feels wrong.

In this lesson, you’re going to begin recognizing where shame shows up for you. Recognizing it is the first step toward correcting it.

Guided Reflection: Mapping Your Shame Story

Take 15–30 minutes. Find a quiet space if possible. You may want to journal your responses, record them, or simply sit with them. Go as deep as you feel ready. Stop and return later if needed.

1. Body

  • Are there any parts of your body have you been taught to be ashamed of? When did that start?

  • How has aging, illness, menopause, surgery, or hormone therapy shifted your relationship to your body?

  • What do you wish were different about the way you see your body?

2. Voice

  • Can you think of a time you were afraid to speak up for yourself? What were you experiencing then?

  • What were you taught about being assertive, angry, loud, or opinionated?

  • How do you change your tone, pitch, or words to make yourself more acceptable or “softer”?

3. Identity

  • What parts of your identity have been a source of shame — race, gender, sexuality, class, education, religion, ability, or something else?

  • Who told you (directly or indirectly) that being “fully you” wasn’t safe or acceptable?

  • In what spaces do you still feel you need to shrink or conform to be allowed in?

4. Desire and Needs

  • Were you taught that your wants were too much — or not important?

  • What messages did you get about pleasure, sex, or emotional needs?

  • What happens in your body when you imagine asking directly for what you need?

5. Legacy

  • Whose shame have you been carrying that isn’t yours?

  • What roles (daughter, patient, partner, caretaker, professional, survivor) have required you to silence your truth?

  • What would change if you put some of that shame away?

Optional: Shame Inventory Practice

Create two columns in your journal:

  • Column 1: “Messages I Learned”

  • Column 2: “What I Choose to Believe Now”

Example:

  • Message I Learned: “My body is too much.”

  • What I Choose to Believe: “My body is worthy of care and space, exactly as it is.”

This doesn’t have to feel true yet. It’s practice, training your brain to learn new patterns.

Closing Thought

Shame loses power when it’s named. Every word you’ve written, every memory you’ve visited, is an act of courage. You are not what happened to you. You are not the story shame wrote. You are the one rewriting it — gently, bravely, and on your own terms.